


Aftershocks

by HotBoyfRiendsGarbage



Series: Afterwards [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Depression, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Original Character(s), So much angst, Suicide Attempt, getting gayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 07:37:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotBoyfRiendsGarbage/pseuds/HotBoyfRiendsGarbage
Summary: Part 2 of my series of BoyfRiends fics. ANGST. OH GOD THERE IS ANGST ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻ But there's also fluff, and as Don Bluth knows, a little bit of fluff always fixes a TRUCK TON OF ANGST.





	1. Warning, Warning

“Michael! I’m here!” Jeremy called as he closed the door behind him. Usually Michael would be sitting in one of his donut-shaped beanbag chairs, already halfway through a joint. But he was nowhere to be seen. Jeremy did a quick sweep of the room, and saw that the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. Figuring that’s where Michael was, he plopped down on one of the beanbags and pulled the Doritos out of his backpack. “I got Cool Ranch this time, I know you like the Spicy Sweet Chili but…”

 _CRASH!_ Jeremy jumped at the sound. It sounded like a bunch of stuff hitting the bathroom floor at once.

“Michael?” Jeremy called again, scrambling to his feet and racing to the bathroom door. “You okay?” No answer. He heard some movement though, and quickly knocked on the door. “You in there?” He heard a groan from behind the door, followed by more shuffled movement. “Hello? Michael?”

“ _J-Jeremy…?_ ” Jeremy felt his chest tighten as he heard Michael’s garbled, muffled voice.

“Dude, are you okay?” Jeremy asked, feeling his heart beginning to race. “Are you sick?”

“ _I-I… I… I’m messed up…_ ” He sounded like he was in bad shape. Maybe he hit his head…?

“Dude, I’m coming in, okay?” Jeremy didn’t wait for a response before he swung the door open. Michael was lying sprawled out in the bathtub, with a couple of shampoo and soap bottles strewn across the bathroom floor. He was tangled in the shower curtain, and slowly curling himself into a ball. “Oh my God, _Michael…_!” Jeremy stammered as he dashed to his friend’s side. He pulled and yanked the shower curtain until Michael was free, and thrust it over the side of the tub. He then focused on Michael, grabbing his shoulder and rolling him over onto his back so he was facing Jeremy. “Michael, are you alright?” Jeremy finally got a look at Michael’s face, which automatically answered his question.

Michael was blitzed out of his mind. His eyes were red, puffy and swollen. He was trembling, and Jeremy could he that his jaw was braced tightly; his gritted teeth protruded through his cheeks. His hands were balled into tight fists, and his pants were still unfastened from when he clearly staggered over to try and relieve himself. Jeremy quickly put his hand on Michael’s forehead to check for a fever.

“You’re burning up, man!” Jeremy exclaimed, attempting to rouse Michael into getting up. No such luck; Michael swiped Jeremy’s hand away and proceeded to curl his long legs into his chest. His balled-up fists weakly brushed against the bathtub walls. Sweat was pouring down the back of his neck and from his forehead, staining his hoodie and making his black hair shine brighter in the florescent light. “Okay, fine.” Jeremy muttered. “At least let me take your hoodie off.” He struggled a little with the zipper, but he managed to peel the big red hoodie off Michael, revealing a leopard-print V-neck t-shirt.

“ _Ungh_ …” Michael groaned with relief from the cool feeling, and his legs relaxed away from his torso. His body spread-eagled out in the tub, and Jeremy tried to avoid looking at his exposed crotch.

“Hey, you need some water or something?” Jeremy asked, grabbing Michael’s chin with one hand and turning his face towards his. “Michael, focus!” Michael seemed to be staring into the vast outer regions of space, so Jeremy dug his nails into his cheeks and gave his head a swift side-to-side shake. “Dammit Michael, there’s stoned and then there’s what you are. You are _flying_! C’mon, try to—”

“ _Jeremy…!_ ” And suddenly Michael, in one rapid movement, had pulled Jeremy into the tub with him. Jeremy sprawled in a tangle of gangling limbs on top of Michael, as Michael gripped his arm tighter.

“Jeremy… Jeremy…” Michael gasped as he held the slim boy close to him. “Jeremy… _I love you_!”

“What the _hell_ , Michael?!” Jeremy sputtered, desperately trying to pull himself off. Michael’s body felt hot against his own, and he felt his face flush as he felt Michael getting an erection. _What the hell is happening?_ Jeremy thought, his brain humming loudly with shock, confusion, anger, and… _and…_? 

“I _love_ you, Jeremy…!” Michael slurred, loosening his grip on Jeremy’s arm and moving to caress his shoulders and neck. “I want… I want you… you’re my… favorite…” Jeremy felt a rapid rush of heat.

“Michael, you’re high.” Jeremy said, unexpectedly angry. “You’re not thinking straight and this is ridiculous. Now let go of me…” He took Michael’s arms and tried to untangle himself from him. Michael let out a sad moan and wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s torso. Jeremy was directly on top of Michael, in every sense. Michael quickly enclosed Jeremy in a tight embrace. Jeremy could feel… _everything_ …

“Jeremy… _Jeremy_ …” Michael ran his hands up and down Jeremy’s back, whispering softly into his ear. Jeremy felt his body begin to tremble, when suddenly Michael hand slipped between his thighs.

“MICHAEL STOP IT!!!” Jeremy yelled, and suddenly panic took over his actions. Without thinking, he balled his fists and punched Michael in the face. Michael let out a pained yelp and he let go of Jeremy, who quickly scrambled over the side of the tub and landed on the bathroom floor. He could hear Michael whimpering over the blood pounding in his head. There was a pregnant silence for a moment, as both boys caught their breath, trying to process everything that had just happened there.

As his clouded vision cleared, Jeremy caught sight of something on the bathroom floor, under the toilet. He squinted a little and saw that it was a weed baggie, but it didn’t appear to have weed in it. He reached his hand out and picked up the bag, and he was right; it wasn’t weed, and it explained a lot.

“God damn it Michael… you bought _pills_ from Connor too?” he muttered, examining the white pills in the baggie. “What are they? Ecstasy? Molly? Whatever they are, they messed you up big time.” Michael didn’t answer. “Look, dude, I’m sorry I hit you. I didn’t mean it, I was just freaked out and…” Michael suddenly let out a moan and burst into tears, his sobs reverberating off the bathtub walls.

“I’m sorry…!” he choked out between rattling breaths. Jeremy sighed and picked himself off the bathroom floor. He knelt next to the bathtub and reached in to rub Michael’s back as he cried. “ _Hic_ … I’m sorry Jeremy…” Michael croaked, turning to Jeremy. “I… I’m so messed up… _Hic_ … I’m so confused…”

“It’s okay, Michael.” Jeremy murmured, going to get a washcloth from the linen closet. He ran it under the sink before returning to the tub. He laid the cloth across Michael’s forehead. “So… so you’re gay. It’s cool, okay? It’s not like I won’t—” Suddenly, in another swift burst of movement, Michael sat up in the bathtub, clutched Jeremy’s face with both hands, and pressed his lips on to Jeremy’s open mouth.

The moment hung in the air, the stunned silence weighing down on both boys like the ceiling was caving in. Neither of them moved at all, except for the sweat sliding down the backs of their necks. Michael gently pulled away from the kiss, his black-brown glassy eyes locking with Jeremy’s quivering blue ones.

WHACK! Jeremy smacked Michael across the face, knocking his glasses clean off him. He leapt to his feet and rushed out of the bathroom, swiping his backpack up as he sprinted towards the door.

“No… Jeremy…” Michael cried, holding his cheek with one hand and reaching for Jeremy with his other. “Jeremy, come back…” He heard the basement door get yanked open. “Please, don’t go…”

**_SLAM._ **

“JEREMY, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE!” Jeremy heard Michael howling as he took off running into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't consensual, that's why Jeremy whacked out. He had an unwelcome voice in his head that tried to control his body, pretty sure unwanted touches are a big no-no for him right now. If anyone's interested, Michael IS on molly. He's coming down into the 'suicide Tuesday', which pretty much destroys you, if you couldn't tell.   
> Dear Evan Hansen Easter Egg, did you see it???   
> ANNNNNNNNGST.


	2. Feel My Stomach Filling Up with Dread

“Jeremy!” Mr. Heere called up the stairs. “You want some waffles?” He went back to whisking the batter when he heard Jeremy’s door creak open. He poured it into the iron as he heard Jeremy coming down the steps. “Morning bud, we’re out of chocolate sauce so maybe you can stick to some…” He stopped cold the minute he caught a glance at Jeremy. “Whoa. Jeremy, buddy… are you okay?” He certainly didn’t look okay. He looked horrible; he was still wearing the shirt he wore out last night, which was wrinkled and soaked through with sweat. He was just wearing his Master Chief boxers, which were equally soaked and bunchy. His hair was greasy and stuck to his drenched forehead, and his face was pale and sullen. His big blue eyes were red and puffy, and his mouth was pulled into a tight, thin line.

“ _Nngh_.” Jeremy grunted as he sat down at the kitchen table. He immediately dropped his head down on the table, into his crossed arms. He muttered something inaudible into the table.

“I’ll take that as a no.” said Mr. Heere, cracking open the iron to scoop out the waffles. He sat a steaming plate of them in front of Jeremy and sat down next to him. “You sick? Wanna talk about it?”

“ _Nngh_.” Jeremy replied, rolling his head side to side. However, the smell of the waffles finally got to him and he lifted his head slightly to look at his dad. “Thanks but… I’m… not really hungry, Dad…”

“Lie Number One.” Mr. Heere chuckled. “You get two more before you’re grounded and lose your waffle privileges.” Jeremy scowled before lifting his head up and pulling the plate towards him.

“Something… weird happened last night.” Jeremy muttered, dumping syrup over the waffles.

“At Michael’s?”

“Yeah.” He began cutting up the waffles into just barely bite-sized pieces. “I don’t… I don’t really wanna get into it, but… I probably won’t be going to his house for a while.” The thought of that made Jeremy plow through the waffles even harder. Maybe he should call Michael today, to check up on him.

“Sounds like you had a fight.” Mr. Heere said, silently attempting to conflate his son’s eating habits with his skinny frame. “Hey, everyone fights. Doesn’t mean you stop loving each other, y’know?” Jeremy looked up at him with a full mouth, but sharp eyes. Mr. Heere lowered his eyes a little. “Look, I know I don’t really have the best track record to talk to you about this, but I know you and Michael…”

“Dad, it… wasn’t really a fight.” Jeremy said after he swallowed. “Not like with you and Mom.”

“Oh, well… then, what was it?” Jeremy pushed his empty plate away. “Jeremy, come on now…”

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_ Mr. Heere sighed and got up to answer the phone. They had a TV/phone bundle deal, so Jeremy could see the word “MELL” flashing in the corner of the living room TV. He felt a pang of dread in his gut. What if Michael had told his parents about what happened in the basement?

“Hello? Hey Annie, how are…” Mr. Heere froze. Normally he walked around the whole house while on the phone. Jeremy glanced up and saw his dad suddenly lose all the color in his face. “What? Oh, oh my _God_ …!” Mr. Heere suddenly gave a panicked look at Jeremy, who felt his stomach lurch a little. What was going on? “Um, yes absolutely, I’ll bring him right now. Um, we’ll be right there…!”

“What’s going on?” Jeremy asked as his dad hung up. The twisting in his stomach had tightened.

“Jeremy… Michael’s in the hospital.” Mr. Heere said. “He… he tried to kill himself last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't even read this, did you? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ God I love writing in cliffhangers because I'm not good at transitions!!! Onward, onward to the angst!!!


	3. Just Want to Survive

Jeremy didn’t remember the car ride to the hospital. He didn’t even remember getting dressed. He didn’t remember his dad yelling at the slow cars on the highway. He didn’t remember parking the car. He didn’t remember him and his dad racing across the parking lot to the entrance of the ICU. His mind didn’t really start being affected by time again until he saw Michael’s father standing in the lobby.

“Thank you both for coming.” Mr. Mell said. His voice sounded like he had gravel in his throat.

“What’s going on, Johnny?” Mr. Heere asked, putting his hands on Mr. Mell’s shoulders.

“They are trying to stabilize him now.” He replied, sounding slightly nauseous. “He… cut his wrists in the bathtub… and filled it with water…” He started shaking as tears filled his eyes. “We… found him with his head under…!” He dissolved into tears, covering his face with his hands. Mr. Heere quickly pulled him into a hug. He looked down at Jeremy. Jeremy’s face was stark white and expressionless.

“I need to get to Michael.” Jeremy murmured. Mr. Heere nodded and released Mr. Mell.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said, looking Mr. Mell in the eyes. Mr. Mell nodded and started walking.

“Follow me.” He said. He led them down a winding hall, full of running doctors and nurses. Jeremy couldn’t hear anything the doctors and nurses were shouting. His vision was tunneled, focusing only on the supposed end of the hallway. His body and mind had been oddly numb the entire morning, ever since his dad said… he just needed to see Michael. Once he saw Michael, everything would be okay.

“Scott! Jeremy!” Michael’s mom appeared in front of him, almost out of nowhere. She enfolded Jeremy in a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re here!” Jeremy mechanically lifted his arms to return the hug, catching glimpses of Michael’s brothers and sisters sitting in waiting-room chairs. His sisters were crying.

“Where’s Michael?” Jeremy asked softly. Mrs. Mell gave him a sweet smile through her tears.

“He just got out of surgery.” She said, her bottom lip trembling. “He’s still in critical condition.”

“Can I see him?” he asked, his voice cracking a little. “Please?” he added, off his dad’s face.

“Why don’t we wait and have his family have a turn first?” Mr. Heere interjected, gripping Jeremy’s shoulder. “They haven’t seen him yet. We can wait in the waiting room until they’re done.”

“But I need to—!” Jeremy exclaimed, before being cut off by his father’s grip tightening.

“I know you’re scared, son.” Mr. Heere said firmly. “But Michael’s family takes precedence.” Jeremy wanted to argue, but couldn’t. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He nodded. Mrs. Mell ran her fingers through Jeremy’s hair and gave him a peck on the forehead before looking at Mr. Mell.

“We will have someone come get you if… if anything…” Mr. Mell couldn’t finish, but he didn’t have to. He and Mrs. Mell rounded up the kids and guided them through a door labelled “M. MELL.” Mr. Heere guided Jeremy into the waiting room, which was a lot closer to Michael’s room than he thought. He sat down in a chair, trying to regain his senses and open his mind back up to the rest of the world. He felt his head begin to pound and his heart begin to sink. _This was his fault. He never should have ran…_

“Jeremy.” Mr. Heere’s voice cut through the fog around his brain. He turned and looked at his dad, who was sitting next to him. “I think it’s time you told me about what really happened last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we get all our OC's dumped on us at once, Michael's family! I always envisioned Michael coming from a big Filipino family, and I just kinda researched his personality against basic sibling personalities and he's SO clearly the second youngest. I adore his parents, and I wish I could've fleshed out more of his siblings, but we don't have time for that right now. All aboard the Fluffy Express! Woo wooooo!


	4. A Dad So Strong

“…and I just ran. I ran all the way home and locked my door and tried to forget what happened.” Jeremy looked at his dad, unable to figure out his face. He felt a little better, and certainly had more clarity, now that he had unloaded everything that had happened. He wiped the tears away from his face.

“Jeremy…” _Here it comes_ … the scolding, telling him he should’ve stayed, asking why he didn’t… he braced for impact, but was surprised to see that his dad didn’t look too disappointed. “Jeremy, I’m sorry that that happened. That must have been very confusing for you, for both of you.” Mr. Heere looked genuinely sorry, much to Jeremy’s surprise. He was almost dissatisfied at the lack of anger.

“Y-yeah, it was.” Jeremy stammered. His voice was still creaky from the crying. “And now… now I don’t know what to do.” Mr. Heere comfortingly wrapped his arm around Jeremy’s slim shoulders.

“Jeremy, this isn’t your fault.” said Mr. Heere. “Michael’s clearly been struggling with a lot of things for a long time now. We should just be grateful that he’s alive, and will be able to get some help.” Jeremy nestled into his dad’s large, soft shoulder, feeling some sense of relief for the first time that day.

“I never knew… Michael felt those things. About guys, or… about me.” He said after some time.

“Really? I did.” Replied Mr. Heere.

“Wait, _what_?” Jeremy exclaimed, jerking his head up to look his dad in the face.

“Jeremy, you’re my son and I love you, but honestly, you have the observation skills of a rock.” Mr. Heere chucked. “Remember that I’ve also known Michael for twelve years, and it was actually easy to pick up on how he felt about men… and you.” Jeremy head surged with shock, humiliation and guilt.

“S-so, so you knew Michael was… in _love_ with me?!” Jeremy sputtered. “And you didn’t think—”

“No, I didn’t think to tell you. Not just because it was none of my business, but I also didn’t want to ruin what you guys have. And Jeremy, what you guys have… it’s pretty damn special.” Jeremy felt a twang of guilt in his heart. How long had Michael been in love with him? What else hadn’t he noticed?

“Well, it _was_ special.” Jeremy said, his heart sinking. “Then I went and ruined everything.”

“You still have time.” Mr. Heere took Jeremy’s other shoulder so they were face-to-face. “You and Michael both acted poorly, but thankfully you both still have time to make things right. But Jeremy…” Mr. Heere leaned in closer now, so their foreheads were almost touching. “I want you to know that no matter what happens… no matter what you choose, or what happens between you and Michael… I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.” Jeremy felt hot tears prick the corners of his eyes.

“I love you too, Daddy.” He choked out, throwing his arms around his dad’s neck in a tight hug. In that moment, the several months of distance (and absence of pants) had melted away into nothing. They would’ve stayed that way longer, if Jeremy hadn’t picked up on the fact they were being watched. He looked up to see Carly, Michael’s little sister, standing in front of them. Carly was eight, and she was born when Michael and Jeremy were ten years old. As much as she got on Jeremy’s nerves sometimes, for all intents and purposes, she had been Jeremy’s little sister as well as Michael’s. She _was_ pretty cute.

“Hey there, Carly.” Jeremy said awkwardly, causing Mr. Heere to pull away and look as well.

“Hi, Jer-a-bee.” She said. She was unusually quiet. “You can come in and see Michael now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Heere IS wearing pants this entire fic. Just throwing that out there. Carly is my adorable little self-insert spirit animal and I just love her SO MUCH (｡◕‿◕｡) I wanna write about her relationship with Michael and Jeremy so badly!!!


	5. Juliet

“Um, Carly, is… is he awake?” Jeremy asked, as Carly led him by the hand to Michael’s room.

“No,” said Carly. “He’s sleeping. Mommy says he won’t wake up for a long time.” Then she turned and looked at Jeremy, smiling. “So I said _you_ should come in and try and wake him up!”

“Uh, what?” Jeremy came to a stop in the middle of the hall. “Um, I can’t wake him up, Carl.”

“Yeah you can!” Carly beamed. “You’re his prince! Princes wake sleeping people all the time.”

“Um, I’m his _what_?” he chuckled awkwardly. Carly resumed pulling him down the hallway.

“His _prince_.” Carly said matter-of-factly. “Mommy say everyone gets a prince who saves them.”

“Well, how do _you_ know I’ll save him?” Jeremy asked, his insides sinking with fresh sadness.

“Um, because you’re gonna get married, but you have to save him first?” Carly replied. “ _Duh._ ” Jeremy was going to argue with the eight-year-old, mostly out of habit, but they had reached the door. A sudden wave of doubt flooded through Jeremy as he reached for the doorknob. He paused briefly, before taking a deep breath and slowly opening the door. At first, he saw Michael’s parents, who smiled at him, and Michael’s older brothers and sister, who quickly ushered their parents out. Then he saw him.

He hadn’t been ready; he almost didn’t recognize Michael. The first thing he saw were the thick white bandages wrapped around his wrists. Then he truly took in seeing Michael laid out in the hospital bed, with tubes in his arms and an oxygen mask on his face. There were sensors stuck to his bare chest. He slowly approached the bed, sitting down in the adjacent chair and really taking in Michael’s features. Michael had always been tall, with broad shoulders, but he had never been overweight by any means. With the bandages, His arms looked skinnier than ever. His chest, while moving up and down, looked sunken in. His sleeping face had a strange sense of peace, as if he has just dozed off while smoking pot.

“H-hey, Michael…” he whispered, reaching his hand out to touch Michael’s hand. It was warm. A wave of relief flowed through him as tears welled up in his eyes. Michael was here. He could touch him. And everything felt… almost okay again. Emotions he never knew he had flooded through Jeremy as he choked back sobs. His hand felt carefully past the bandages, up Michael’s arm, over his shoulder, to gently caress his soft cheek and tousle his black hair. His other hand softly slid over Michael’s arm and onto his exposed chest. He navigated around the sensors, until he felt a faint heartbeat coming from the top of his right pectoral muscle. It gave Jeremy incredible respite. By now he was standing, his hands feeling over every exposed bit of Michael’s chest. Just feeling his heartbeat, how warm he was, gave Jeremy a feeling he didn’t even know he could have. He was smiling now, despite the outpour of tears.

“Michael, I’m… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I ran away. I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry I didn’t _understand_ …!” Tears were streaming down his face as he gripped Michaels’ unmoving hand with both of his own. His sank back into the chair as the sobs took over his chest and ribcage. God, he was so _warm_. Had he never noticed these things about Michael before? How smooth his skin was, how soft his hands were, how sweet he looked while he was sleeping… it felt like he was looking at him for the first time. But… _what were those?_ Near the bandages, on Michael’s arm, Jeremy saw something he never noticed.

Scars. Faint, long scars slashed across Michael’s arm, all the way up to his elbow. A horrible, crushing comprehension began overwhelming Jeremy as he saw more similar scars on the other arm.

“Michael…” he whispered, as terror and guilt seized him. “What… what have I _done_ to you?”

It felt like time had stopped in that cold hospital room. Jeremy felt frozen by the guilt and shame coursing through his veins. Just how long had Michael been hurting himself? Why hadn’t he noticed it? He gingerly traced his fingers up and down Michael’s arm, feeling the seemingly endless trail of scars.

“Jeremy?” He jerked out of the chair and spun around in fright. “Ah, I’m sorry I startled you!”

“S-sorry, Mrs. Mell.” Jeremy muttered, embarrassed. “I’m a little… on edge, I guess.”

“I don’t blame you.” She said, smiling. She had clearly been crying for a long time. “I just wanted to check in on… both of you.” She approached Jeremy and stroked his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m… I’m…” Jeremy’s eyes darted back to Michael’s outstretched arm. “I don’t… even know.” He nervously scratched the back of his neck, trying to find the words. “I’m… I feel… I…” The frustration was almost too much for him, as he felt himself scowling and rolling his shoulders back. What _was_ he feeling? Suddenly, Mrs. Mell wrapped her soft brown arms around Jeremy, holding him tenderly close.

“I know how much you love him.” She said quietly in his ear. She pulled back so her large brown eyes met his. “And I know you are hurting for my son. But this was not your fault, Jeremy.” She kissed him on the forehead. “You are a good boy. Like Michael. But he was not truthful, and you were simply not observant. And both flaws are worthy of God’s forgiveness.” The Mells were kind of religious, which sometimes made Jeremy a little uncomfortable. But right now, it was a welcomed, affectionate view.

“Mrs. Mell,” Jeremy started, uneasily. “Um, I should tell you… um, Michael… he told me he…”

“Jeremy, we know.” Mrs. Mell cut him off. “We are guilty of our flaws as well… we didn’t want to acknowledge it until Michael was ready. So, we never talked about… we never talked about it. We wanted to wait for Michael to talk to us. We were afraid to bring it up and upset him. But we shouldn’t have waited. We should have told him… that we loved him no matter what… or who he chose to love.” Jeremy could see that Mrs. Mell was trying not to cry. Jeremy squeezed her tighter; Mrs. Mell had always been like a secondary mom to him. He felt grateful that Michael had such understanding parents.

“I… I think everything’s going to be okay, Mrs. Mell.” He said finally, mustering a smile for her.

“Thank you for that, Jeremy.” She replied. She glanced over Jeremy’s shoulder, at Michael. She walked over to the bed and gently ran her fingers through Michael’s hair. “My sweet, musical little boy.” She said softly. “We always knew you were special. And a little different. I’m so… so glad, that we’ll have you around for a little longer.” Tears began sliding down her cheeks, and Jeremy began to really feel the gravity of the situation weigh down on him… this wasn’t just about him and Michael. The Mells had almost lost their son. But he survived, and now he can get help, and get better. He still had time to live.

“M-Mrs. Mell…” Jeremy started, surprised by the tears in his own voice. “I-I… I think you should know… know what happened last night…” He braced himself to go through it again. “Um, Michael, he…”

“ _Mmnh…_ ”

Jeremy blinked. That didn’t come from Mrs. Mell; she was staring straight at him. They both came to the same realization at once, and Jeremy raced to the other side of Michael’s bed. His heart was thundering.

“ _Michael_?!” Jeremy cried, clasping Michael’s hand between both of his. “C-can you hear me?” Mrs. Mell ran to the doorway to yell for Michael’s family as Michael stirred, and his eyes fluttered open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CARLY IS THE BEST (｡◕‿◕｡) Anything more I write for this fandom is gonna have her in it. I honestly don't know if this is considered angst or fluff, so I'm christening is FLUNGST. This is a very flungst chapter. Don't worry babies, the gayness IS coming!!! ☜(^▽^)☞ (I mean it's already here but you know what I mean)


	6. We Could Never Live Without You

Blackness. Nothing but darkness and cold, all around him. His arms hurt. His face was itchy. Suddenly, a tiny white light began to twinkle in front of him. As it began to get bigger and bigger, he began to hear muffled voices. He felt himself slowly moving towards the bright light, which bathed him in soft warmth.

“ _Michael? Michael!_ ”

“ _Michael, can you hear us?_ ”

“ _Michael, it’s Mommy…!_ ”

“ _Michael, please wake up!_ ” 

The warm light gave way to blurry, swimming blobs of color. His arms felt heavy and achy, but someone was holding his hand. Someone was stroking his shoulder. Something scratchy was taken off his face.

“ _Michael, I’m right here!_ ” He recognized that voice. It was the voice that he loved most. The blobs in front of him began to take shape, and one of them took the shape of the person he loved most.

“ _Nnrgh_ …” he managed to groan, not recognizing his own voice. The other shapes took form more rapidly than before. “ _Mom… Dad? Guys…_ ” He was suddenly overwhelmed with a discord of noise. Crying. Carly screeching. Laughing. Beeping. Buzzing of machines. The bright light began to hurt his eyes.

And suddenly, there he was. Jeremy, his face flushed and damp with tears, was smiling at him. His stunning blue eyes shone, and Michael felt his left hand being squeezed. Was Jeremy holding his hand?

“ _J-Jeremy…?_ ” he whispered, sounding more like himself now. He could hear Jeremy… crying?

“Oh, Michael!” He _was_ crying. He felt his hand lift, and he felt his hand touching Jeremy’s face.

“Michael! My baby!” Turning his head felt like moving a boulder, but then there was his mother. And his father. And Nathaniel, Matthew, Kimberly and Carly. They were all trying to talk to him at once. He tried to keep track of them all; normally it was so easy to stay on top of every dialogue, but not now. The wheels in his mind started turning, as he realized where he was. Why he was there… what he had done. A dark cloud of realization began to form around him, and he began to tremble. His heart began to sink in his chest like an anchor. Hot, burning tears of frustration, sorrow and shame began to well up.

“Mom…!” he managed to sob. “Mommy… I’m so _sorry_ …!” He felt her soft hands touch his face.

“Everything’s alright, my love.” She said, softly but also firmly. “You’re going to be okay now.” She gently brushed away his tears, but the guilt only made him feel worse. He turned away from her. But now he was looking at Jeremy, and the dark cloud around his mind grew darker. Vague memories of that night began to take form, and a whole new tidal wave of conflicting emotions surged within him.

“Jeremy… oh God…!” The trembling was almost unbearable. The sobs wracked his chest so hard that they hurt. “I… I don’t even know what to say… I just… everyone… I…” Jeremy moved closer to him.

“I… _I love you_ , Michael.” Jeremy said, a little louder than he thought. There was an awkward silence. Jeremy’s face suddenly flushed bright red and he quickly averted his gaze to the floor. Michael felt his face also flush with heat, and he squirmed under the awkward stares of his parents and siblings.

“Alright!” His father’s loud commanding voice pierced through the silence. “Everybody out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the one where Michael's whole family just became the Weasleys of the Be More Chilliverse ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Look I know you want Michael and Jeremy to have their moment, but I like to have a little realism in my musical fanficition, THANK YOU, and family comes first in emergency situations such as this.


	7. And Then Something Changes

Jeremy paced in front of the door to Michael’s room, anxious for Michael’s parents to come out. He had so much to say to Michael; so much was different now, and he needed Michael to know that he finally…

“Jeremy?” He jumped at the voice behind him, and then jumped again when he saw who it was.

“Christine?” Her round, dimpled face smiled back at him. She looked a little disheveled and rushed, but still adorable as ever. She quickly pulled him into a hug, which Jeremy clumsily returned. “Your dad called me, and I just really wanted to be here for you.” Jeremy smiled, giving her a squeeze.

“I’m… really glad you’re here.” He said, and he meant it. Just… not in the way he thought he would. There was a time when just the thought of Christine giving him a hug would send him soaring, but now… now it just felt… nice. He certainly still liked her, but… now everything was _really_ different.

“So… Michael’s okay?” she said as they pulled apart, a thin line of worry creasing her forehead.

“Yeah, he’s okay.” Jeremy said, feeling his chest settle with relief as he said the words out loud.

“I’m so glad!” She said. “I know how much he means to you.” Jeremy unexpectedly felt nervous.

“You… you do?” he said uneasily. Christine giggled at his embarrassment before taking his hand.

“Well, we only went on one date for a reason.” She said perceptively. “As much fun as it is to hang out with you, Jeremy, I still felt like a third wheel the entire time… and Michael wasn’t even there.” Jeremy felt his face flush as he scratched the back of his neck. She was right, of course. He had been looking forward to his date with Christine for so long, but once he was on it, all he could think about was how he wished Michael was there with them. He even got a kiss from her at the end of the night, and it felt… okay. It didn’t give him the sparks and rainbows that… that he thought it would. It was profoundly disappointing for him, and he was bummed about it for weeks. All that effort, getting the Squip, having it almost take over the school, all the crap that Michael had to endure from him… all to find out that he and Christine were better off as good friends. It had felt like the most massive disappointment of his life.

“I’m sorry, Christine.” Jeremy sighed. “I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way we thought it would.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Christine replied, looking at the floor. “I’m sorry I made you think you needed to be cool and popular to impress me. I like you just the way you are, Jeremy… and I wish you did, too.” That caught him off-guard. Christine was always so observant… maybe that’s why he liked her so much. She was nothing like him… she was confident and comfortable in her own skin, happy with who she was. It finally dawned on him that maybe all along, the reason he wanted to be _with_ Christine… was because he wanted to be _like_ Christine. He wanted to be happy and content with himself, too… with everything.

“You know, Christine?” He said, clasping both her hands in his. “Maybe it wasn’t a total waste after all. I learned a lot from it… and I got a pretty great new friend out of it.” Christine beamed at him.

“Yeah… I did, too.” She said. She quickly threw her arms around his torso in another tight hug. “So-o-o, can I count on you to be in the next school play?” she asked enthusiastically. Jeremy snickered.

“You know it.” He replied, returning the hug.

“Michael can come too.” She added softly. Jeremy beamed, a warm feeling washing over him.

“Jeremy?” Jeremy turned as the door opened. It was Mr. Mell. “You can talk to Michael now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am BoyfRiend trash. I admit that. BUT I STILL LOVE CHRISTIIIIIIIIINE CA-NIG-U-LA (っ•́｡•́)♪♬ she's so adorable and quirky and awesome, and she's basically me when I was in high school. So I felt I had to give her a chapter, just to clarify her relationship with Jeremy and that yes, even SHE knows about Michael and Jeremy before Jeremy does (Ծ‸ Ծ) But now, the wait is over kids, and it's time. ON WITH THE GAYNGST! But there's also gay fluff so... Gluff? Flay?


	8. Leveling Up

Jeremy didn’t realize how nervous he was until he actually walked back into Michael’s room. He felt his face suddenly get hot and felt perspiration beginning to form on his palms, neck and underarms. Mrs. Mell gave him a quick but encouraging hug as she passed him, before being led out by Mr. Mell.

“We’ll be right outside… the whole time.” Mr. Mell said, rather throatily. “Holler if you need us.”

“We’ll be fine, Dad.” Michael chirped from the bed. He was propped up in a reclining position. As the door shut, the room was filled with thick, cottony stillness. Jeremy could only look directly down. He slowly inched his way toward Michael’s bed, before finally glancing up when he was halfway there.

“Hey, Player 2.” Michael mumbled, giving him a weak smile. He looked like he’d been crying, a lot. The oxygen mask was off his face, his glasses were on, and he looked almost back to normal. His arms still lay outstretched over the blankets, but they were turned inward, his palms facing the bed.

“H-Hey, P-Player 1.” Jeremy stuttered. Seeing the bandages again, knowing what was on the other side of Michael’s arms, filled Jeremy with a fresh wave of emotion. He felt two tears slide down his red cheeks, before he caved and rushed toward Michael, thrusting himself across Michael’s upper body. “Michael… Michael…!” Jeremy whispered, clasping Michael to him, feeling his warmth and smooth skin. “Michael, I’m so sorry… I’m sorry for everything I did… for running away… I’m sorry for… not realizing…”

“Jeremy…” Michael gasped. “…get your boney hip off my wrist, that _hurts_!”

“Ah, I’m sorry!!” Jeremy quickly slid off the bed and into the chair, his face even redder now. Michael smiled wider now, and Jeremy quickly slid his hand under Michael’s outstretched one, savoring how much stronger and warmer it felt. It was the best feeling ever. Michael looked like he might faint.

“Jeremy… I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” Michael stammered. “I wasn’t…. I wasn’t right last night. I was messed up on those pills, and I was tripping bad. I… I didn’t mean to… attack you.”

“It’s… it’s okay.” Jeremy smiled at him. “You wouldn’t have been that way if I… if I was a better friend.” He hung his head a little. “I’m sorry I didn’t see… I’m sorry I didn’t understand… what you felt.”

“Well, I kept it pretty well hidden, so I can’t fault you.” Michael said dryly. “And…it hasn’t been long. I mean, I always knew I was _gay_ , but…” he clasped Jeremy’s hand tighter. “ _You_ … you came later.”

“What do you mean, later?” Jeremy asked. Michael sighed and adjusted himself on the bed.

“You’ve always been my best friend, and my favorite person to be with.” Michael started. Jeremy tried to keep the excess of joy he felt at those words discreet. “Even when you were a royal Squip-dick and almost ruined everything. But… when I almost lost you for good, that night of the play… when you almost died and I had to… you know, save your life…” Both boys flushed red at the memory of that night. Jeremy couldn’t even remember it all, but it reddened him thinking about it now. “That was when I realized… you’re the o _nly_ person I want to be with. That I’d… that I couldn’t bear it… if I ever _did_ lose you.” Michael was gripping Jeremy’s hand so tightly now, he was starting to lose feeling in his fingers. “Of course, I couldn’t _tell_ you that… I didn’t want to make things weird, especially since I just got you back from the Squip. It all was normal again… but it _wasn’t_. It was different for me now. And I was getting really depressed... But I thought it was better than telling you… how I felt, and _losing_ you again!” Michael wept, and Jeremy felt the truth take form; it took them almost losing each other… to finally see.

“Michael…” Jeremy said slowly, looking into Michael’s soft brown eyes. “I can’t lose you, either.”

“So… what you said earlier in here…” Michael, asked, squirming slightly. “You… meant it?” Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at Michael’s shiftiness, and noticed that his lower lip was trembling.

“Yes, I meant it.” Jeremy answered steadily. “Look, I was a real douchebag last night. I didn’t understand then; I shouldn’t have run away. But the minute I thought… that I would never see you again… that I could have _lost_ you…” Jeremy felt his heart swell, further fortifying the truth inside him. “That… that was what made me realize… how much I _need_ you. And how much… how much I _love_ you.” A sudden hiccup from Michael caused Jeremy to turn his head to look at him; Michael was crying again.

“You really… you really mean that?” Michael whispered shakily. “You’re not just… because of…”

“No, Michael.” Jeremy stood up from the chair, clasping Michael’s face between his hands. “You are the person I want to be with every day.” He gently swiped away Michael’s tears with his thumbs. “And this is something that I’ve been afraid to say… because I was scared. And confused, and… a dick.” Michael chuckled softly, as he gingerly lifted his hand to stroke Jeremy’s arm. “Careful, don’t hurt yourself—!” Jeremy started as he made to catch Michael’s arm. Then he saw the long line of scars again. He tenderly cradled Michael’s outstretched arm, examining and tracing the scars with his fingers. Michael hung his head in embarrassment—and minor exhilaration—as Jeremy traced out every scar.

“That feels kinda nice.” Michael muttered, not looking Jeremy in the eye. Jeremy grinned at this.

“How old are these?” Jeremy asked, rather uncertainly. “Are they… are they all because of me?”

“What? No…” Michael said quickly, trying to hide his pleasure from Jeremy’s touch. “Those are… actually pretty old. Maybe when we were about eleven or twelve. Mom and Dad were busy with Carly, and you were starting to gush about girls in our class ‘n stuff… I don’t know, I guess I was feeling lonely.” Jeremy felt a warm, tender ache slowly engulf him, and without thinking, he bent his head down and began to gently kiss each of Michael’s scars. As his lips gently brushed up Michael’s forearm, Michael was fighting every fiber of his being not show his desire. His heart was thundering at a mile a minute. “S-so… are you… gay, too?” The question caught Jeremy off guard. He looked up and squinted thoughtfully.

“Well, I still like girls.” Jeremy said. “But, I guess… you’re the _guy_ … that I’d kinda be into, too.” Michael couldn’t handle it anymore. His delight won out, and he swiftly lifted his hands up to Jeremy’s face. He pulled Jeremy towards him, despite the pain in his wrists, and planted a kiss on Jeremy’s lips. There was silence for one idyllic moment, before the pain in Michael’s wrists brought him back to Earth.

“Ahh, I’m sorry!!” Michael cried, as he pulled away and his arms dropped on the bed. “I did that before too, didn’t I? I’m so sorry Jeremy, I should’ve asked first, I should’ve…” he couldn’t even look up. Jeremy, completely blown away by the sudden rush of emotions, gradually began to giggle hysterically. Michael felt slightly put out by Jeremy’s laughing, until Jeremy cupped his chin in his hand and lifted his head up until they were looking at each other. He rested his forehead against Michael’s, locking eyes.

“From now on, you have to _ask_.” Jeremy said between giggles. “No matter _what_.”

“O-okay…” Michael stumbled over his words, clouded by happiness. “Then… c-can I kiss you?” Jeremy gave him the sincerest, most radiant smile, and his blue eyes glittered with love and warmth.

“Yes.” He said, but he put his hands on Michael’s to keep him from moving his wrists. He bent down and gently put his lips against Michael’s. And it was just the two of them, their souls entwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *APPLAUDS, CRIES, CHEERS, THROWS ROSES* (ಥ⌣ಥ) Hope you enjoyed my romance fic! It was a trek, but it was worth it! Now that all the setup is complete, it's time to move on to what you've all been waiting for... unadulterated SMUT ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


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